Another break up, another giant pot of ice cream to eat in front of the TV and you tell yourself that you’ll feel better in a few days or weeks – depending on the length of the relationship. It’s tricky to watch romantic comedies and wonder whether things like that can happen in real life. You prefer not to dwell on this topic for too long. Instead, you take another spoonful of ice cream and tell yourself that happy relationships are a thing of fiction. Put the ice cream down and listen: Happy relationships do exist, but you need to sort out the mess left by the unhappy ones first.

What’s behind your unhappy couple life?

Relationships, and especially love ones, are built on trust. But trust is a constantly evolving process that relies on your perception of previous relationships and people. In fact, for a lot of unhappy couples, the way they interpret each other’s behavior without communicating openly can damage their relationship and cause lasting issues. The most common mistake is an entire lack of sharing. Your partner can’t guess how you feel if you don’t tell them. Gradually, poor communication choices escalate into the loss of self-esteem and the poor habit of blaming others for your mistakes. At the core of an unhappy relationship, there’s someone who struggles to come to term with past pains.

Heal from a breakup before the next relationship

Accumulating poor relationship choices is, unfortunately, a natural behavior when your path is burdened by the mistakes and suffering from your past. Take your turn, and get to understand yourself to avoid repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Depending on your personality type, you may want to either focus on your essential me-time to heal at your pace or maybe try a behavioral therapy if you struggle with relationship-related anxiety and depression issues. People who suffered from a previous love story are too afraid to hurt again to open their heart with a new partner.

Take your time to get to know people

Don’t rush things when you meet someone you like. Your partner needs to be someone you appreciate for their qualities as well as someone you find attractive. So, the more you get to know someone, the better chances you’ll have to build a happy relationship. For instance, a good tip is to understand their current relationship with their exes. You’ll find that people who are quick to insult their exes are likely to be problematic in a relationship.

Don’t pretend to be someone else

Sure, everyone wants to make a great first impression. But that doesn’t mean that you should pretend to be someone you’re not just to impress a potential date. For a start, it’s a difficult move to pull, but more importantly, there’s no guarantee of happiness if you succeed in convincing someone about your false qualities and background. You can’t be happy if you live in a lie.

The moment you begin to realize that you are responsible for your poor relationship choices, as a result of carrying the pain of previous unhappy relationships and letting it influence your behavior, is the moment you can change things for the better.